Merry Christmas (With Statistics)

Read this somehwhere:

Is Santa Real?



1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 1 in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purpose of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding, etc.

This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 time the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, the conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting the "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload -not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

5) 353,000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force. In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.

Merry Christmas!

Seriously - have a Merry Christmas & all that crap (lol). If you don't celebrate it, then enjoy your day off. And if you don't have the day off, then sorry your life SUCKS. hahaha

Peace,

- knowledge

lmao..How is This a Real Song?

I've included a video with the lyrics so you can follow along. I'm trying to figure out if a religious person should be offended, or if it's actually a legitimate reason to pray for.

"Oh Lord, don't let me cheat on my girlfriend. But Lord, if you can't stop me from cheating, just don't let me get caught (neva eva. Neva eva)". Hahahaha

Good luck with exams, everyone

- knowledge

GLAAD, Anderson, & The Dilemma - "Electric Cars Are Gay"

http://www.contactmusic.com/news.nsf/story/after-gay-protest-universal-yanks-the-dilemma-trailer_1172524
Tl;dr: guy in comedy movie says "electric cars are gay", gay guy gets offended, & tells them to take that scene out.

As chris rock once said: "it's all about context"


Honestly, this guy needs to stop being such a fucking pussy.

Oh noes, someone said something offensive & outlandish in a comedy movie!!!!!11111oneoneone

It's comedy. It's supposed to be funny. That's actually an objectively funny line. I've got nothing against gay people - I even have a couple of them myself. "C'mon, son". Grow the fuck up.

It's a hard life for a gay person (hypothetically speaking, of course *looks around nervously*). If you're not used to getting bashed on by people who can't understand or tolerate gay people...then I'm not sure that there's much hope for you.

Yes, it's gotten better...but homophobia still exists. My advice is for you to stop being such a pansy. I don't cry to the media when they make asian jokes ('cause you know, comedy movies do make jokes from time to time).

Tl;dr? Dear gay guy, stop being such a prissy faggot. And this is coming from someone who has nothing against the LGBT community, appreciates the seriousness of bullying, but can appreciate humour objectively.

Peace,

- knowledge

Good Idea!: Man Submits Drawing Of Spider Instead Of Payment For Overdue Account

"David Thorne didn't have the $233.95 to pay an overdue account. So what did he do? What any other budding young genius would do, he submitted a picture of a spider he drew instead. Unfortunately, Jane Gilles, who is clearly a mega-bitch to the nth degree, wouldn't accept it. So what happened next? Hit the jump to find out. But I'll give you a hint: time travel! And also, David's account not getting paid"

Source: http://www.geekologie.com/2008/11/good_idea_man_submits_drawing.php

Had me LOL-ing.

Peace,

- Knowledge

The Humour in Death, Burial Practices, and Remembrance

First off, I've revised my weekly drop from last week (Avatar = racist). Dude was a no-show, so I figured I might as well write something.

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In light of recent tragedies, I've decided to write about one of the funniest subjects EVER - death! Not a lot of funny find it funny(a few memorable examples come to mind), but a great handful think it's hilarious (myself included).

By the way...Chuck Norris once roundhouse-kicked the tectonic plates. Shortly after, 200 000 Haitians died. Sorry, was that too soon? :D

Back to the topic at hand: what do I want to happen to me when I die? The answer is, that I don't care. I've got preferences, but at the end of the day, I'm dead. It's not that I won't care, it's that I can't care.

Every now and then, I tell my mom that I don't want to be buried traditionally. I do this for 4 reasons:

- It's a waste of money

- I'm dead

- It's a waste of resources (wood, metal, etc.)

- It's hilarious 'cause she gets really offended

Why does it matter which $10 000 dollar coffin I'm going to decompose in? Why does it matter whether this coffin is varnished or not? I would LOVE to be buried in a makeshift coffin (with nails sticking out, splinters, and crooked dimensions), 'cause at least that's funny.

I'd like to get into the reasons why I don't care. Besides the fact that I'm dead...it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever! I'm not that special. Sure we're all unique in our own way (and the world's full of beautiful flowers, rainbows, unicorns, and people that all get along...) - but I'll just be another thing that's dead. Most animals don't get buried, and I don't expect an exception to be made for me. Even if I did accomplish something great and respectable when I died, I don't see what good I'd be buried in the ground, decomposing away. I might as well be fertilizer.

Which brings me to my next point: I wouldn't mind being fertilizer. Forget this "cremate-me-and-throw-me-in-the-ocean-so-I-can-be-one-with-it" crap. Use me as fertilizer. At least I'll be giving back to nature - something that's given to me all my life. I've used up enough of nature's resources without ever recycling or giving back - I figure it's the very least I could do. Or you could feed me to some cannibalistic animal (like pigs). Or my body could be donated to science/research. It doesn't matter.

OR I could be cremated, given to my greatest enemy (at my time of death), and let them throw me in the garbage. I don't give a shit, Not only will I be too dead to be offended... It'd also be pretty funny.

Any of these options are preferable to being buried in the ground or being an organ donor .

I hope I've managed to shake up your views on death, even if it's just a little bit.

I don't think that a tombstone should be what people are remembered by. I don't even think that a porcelain vase full of ashes would be any better. I'd even prefer NOT being remembered to any of those... But if I am remebered, I'd rather it be in memory - through people's ideas and thoughts.

I would be honoured to be remembered that way - through the thoughts of the people that have managed to leave their impressions on me before I died. I'd rather be remebered mentally, than physically. When I go to funerals, I don't pay my respects to their corpse, I pay my respects to how they affected my life.

I can do that with or without the tombstone/urn/or any physical representation of them. And hopefully, so can you.

Peace,

- knowledge

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P.S. Thanks to everyone who frequents, tries to frequent, or has read my blog. The numbers are a lot higher than I expected (about 60 more, if you want to be specific). It is appreciated & stop being so damn wary to comment!

& for anyone who hasn't figured it out...if I refer to something that most people generally don't know about in my posts...there's usually a link. Sometimes the link doesn't come up as a different colour, so it's easy to miss.

& also, I hope to see some of you at The Great Time Debate

Craigslist Missed Connections: "To The Guy In My Closet: You Don't Have AIDS"

Haha...It's not what it seems like, guys.

Here's an awesome missed connection from craigslist. Dude catches his wife cheating on him & decides to get even.

"First off I want to relieve your fears that you probably don’t or at least I hope you don’t have AIDS.

When I came home 3 days ago I heard what was obviously mediocre sex going on in my bedroom. Since I quickly made the deduction that someone had probably not broken into my apartment for some quick copulation I figured I had just caught my wife cheating on me which I had long suspected. Your ofish grunts were so loud that I actually had to reopen the door and slam it again for you two to hear me. I stood in the entry for a while as I heard you both scramble before calling out that I was home.

When I walked into the bedroom my wife had some excuse about having a headache and when asked about the nighty she was wearing she said it was the most comfortable thing she could find. Oh…and btw, I don’t know how many affairs that you participate in but a word of advice is that when you hide in the closest from an angry husbands you shouldn’t leave a few toes hanging out from under the door. At this point I am in a bit of a predicament…. I could have the typical masculine response and open the door and beat the piss out of you but then you might file charges and quite frankly I just don’t really care enough. Not to mention I don’t know how big you are and I couldn’t think of anything much worse than finding your wife cheating on you and then get pummeled by her new lover. It entered my mind to have some marathon sex and make you stand and watch the whole thing but seeing how she is a dirty whore the idea grossed me out a little. I came pretty close to just hanging out and masterbating but I am glad I went the direction I did.

So in liue of those options I thought of the funniest thing I could do for my own personal amusement. I sat her down on the bed and looked deeply in her eyes and told her that I had been diagnosed with early stages of AIDS. Recently I have had a series of colds and went to the doctor who told me it was probably just a string of bad luck and it was going around a little bit. The whole thing took about 2 hours and involved a lot of yelling, accusing and crying.

I felt like I hadn’t punished you quite enough, even though I fully acknowledge that it really isn’t your fault at all, so I told her that the illness was making me tired so I needed to lay down. I could hear her on the phone making an appointment with the doctor and I could hear you rustling around in the closest. You did a great job holding still seeing how you probably aren’t used to standing in a 3′x4′ closest for hours and hours on end but if I hadn’t already known you were there you would have been caught for sure.

After about another hour of laying in bed thinking of what I was going to do I felt sorry for you to be mixed up in this crazy thing so I said I was going to go fill the prescriptions the doctor gave me and left the apartment so you could leave. I hope that you weren’t too uncomfortable in there and actually felt a little guilty about it later.

Anyways, I put this in missed connections because I actually wouldn’t mind taking you out and buying you a drink. After all that is some funny stuff to laugh about and you are saving me thousands in alimony since my wife cheated and the least I can do is repay you for a $4.00 beer.

Again no hard feelings and best of luck!

BTW, you might still want to get your self tested since my wife is a dirty whore."

Here's the original link: http://nanaimo.en.craigslist.ca/mis/1499844015.html

Peace,

- knowledge