The Humour in Death, Burial Practices, and Remembrance

First off, I've revised my weekly drop from last week (Avatar = racist). Dude was a no-show, so I figured I might as well write something.

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In light of recent tragedies, I've decided to write about one of the funniest subjects EVER - death! Not a lot of funny find it funny(a few memorable examples come to mind), but a great handful think it's hilarious (myself included).

By the way...Chuck Norris once roundhouse-kicked the tectonic plates. Shortly after, 200 000 Haitians died. Sorry, was that too soon? :D

Back to the topic at hand: what do I want to happen to me when I die? The answer is, that I don't care. I've got preferences, but at the end of the day, I'm dead. It's not that I won't care, it's that I can't care.

Every now and then, I tell my mom that I don't want to be buried traditionally. I do this for 4 reasons:

- It's a waste of money

- I'm dead

- It's a waste of resources (wood, metal, etc.)

- It's hilarious 'cause she gets really offended

Why does it matter which $10 000 dollar coffin I'm going to decompose in? Why does it matter whether this coffin is varnished or not? I would LOVE to be buried in a makeshift coffin (with nails sticking out, splinters, and crooked dimensions), 'cause at least that's funny.

I'd like to get into the reasons why I don't care. Besides the fact that I'm dead...it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever! I'm not that special. Sure we're all unique in our own way (and the world's full of beautiful flowers, rainbows, unicorns, and people that all get along...) - but I'll just be another thing that's dead. Most animals don't get buried, and I don't expect an exception to be made for me. Even if I did accomplish something great and respectable when I died, I don't see what good I'd be buried in the ground, decomposing away. I might as well be fertilizer.

Which brings me to my next point: I wouldn't mind being fertilizer. Forget this "cremate-me-and-throw-me-in-the-ocean-so-I-can-be-one-with-it" crap. Use me as fertilizer. At least I'll be giving back to nature - something that's given to me all my life. I've used up enough of nature's resources without ever recycling or giving back - I figure it's the very least I could do. Or you could feed me to some cannibalistic animal (like pigs). Or my body could be donated to science/research. It doesn't matter.

OR I could be cremated, given to my greatest enemy (at my time of death), and let them throw me in the garbage. I don't give a shit, Not only will I be too dead to be offended... It'd also be pretty funny.

Any of these options are preferable to being buried in the ground or being an organ donor .

I hope I've managed to shake up your views on death, even if it's just a little bit.

I don't think that a tombstone should be what people are remembered by. I don't even think that a porcelain vase full of ashes would be any better. I'd even prefer NOT being remembered to any of those... But if I am remebered, I'd rather it be in memory - through people's ideas and thoughts.

I would be honoured to be remembered that way - through the thoughts of the people that have managed to leave their impressions on me before I died. I'd rather be remebered mentally, than physically. When I go to funerals, I don't pay my respects to their corpse, I pay my respects to how they affected my life.

I can do that with or without the tombstone/urn/or any physical representation of them. And hopefully, so can you.

Peace,

- knowledge

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P.S. Thanks to everyone who frequents, tries to frequent, or has read my blog. The numbers are a lot higher than I expected (about 60 more, if you want to be specific). It is appreciated & stop being so damn wary to comment!

& for anyone who hasn't figured it out...if I refer to something that most people generally don't know about in my posts...there's usually a link. Sometimes the link doesn't come up as a different colour, so it's easy to miss.

& also, I hope to see some of you at The Great Time Debate

Knowledge's Negative Cop Experience?

I go to class and finish up at around 9:30, then I stay at the library until 11.

I got home earlier than I expected, so I decided to turn into a parking lot that I've never turned into before. As I'm pulling out, a cruiser pull in. I flash my high-beams really quickly (I figure I could say that I was trying to signal left but I accidentally tapped it.) They then turn around.

I pull out left and into the intersection, making sure to go to the inner-most lane first even though I have to make an immediate right (I was dedicated to not be pulled over again). Then I check my rear-view and they didn't follow after me!

I pull into my garage about a minute later and they end up tailing me. They pull into my driveway sideways like I'm trying to escape or some crap. I get out and they ask me "is this your car?" I respond, "Yup...well I just pulled into my garage..." Then he says "it doesn't have to be your car to pull into your garage" but he and I both know it's my car. Fine, I drop it. He asks me why I pulled into the parking lot. I truthfully told him that I just wanted to see it (fishy, I know. I was thinking about saying that I was making a u-turn, but decided to tell the truth to see where it'd land me.)

They ask me to get my licence & registration. I give them my card-holder with my stuff in it & the female cop asks, "is this your licence?" to which I respond "that's just my registration...one sec."(I make sure to add a little quiver in my voice so her partner thinks that he senses some intimidation. I see that it works 'cause the dude gives a big smirk at the quiver.

They tell me to wait and not to go inside while they check some stuff. I wait outside for a bit, purposefully leaning on my car while texting some people to seem care-free and laid-back. After about 10 minutes, I get cold and decide to wait in my car, blasting music just loud enough to not get in trouble, but so they can hear the bass from my house music. I made sure to watch the rear-view mirror while bobbing my head to the music (making sure to exagerrate the movement), and the whole time...the male cop's just looking at me (it was really visible 'cause they turned their in-car light on).

A couple more minutes pass, and they come into my garage handing me back my crap. Here's how the conversation went:

Quote:

Her:"We're giving you a ticket for giving us attitude." Me: "Excuse me?" Her: "You have a burnt-out headlight, but it's our discretion as to whether or not you issue a ticket. However, this won't stick if you bring a receipt to court and show it" Me: "Does it hold any weight that I JUST replaced the headlight? Her: "You did it yourself?" Me: "Yup, I wiggled it and it was working again...but I guess it went out again" Her: "Get a receipt from Canadian tire showing that THEY replaced it" (I decided to drop this and move on to what I really cared about) Me: But let me get this straight, you're giving me a ticket because I gave you attitude? Her: Did you not listen to what I said? It's up to our discretion, whether or not we issue the ticket. Me: "So you're essentially giving me a ticket that you know won't stick because you THINK I gave you attitude?" Her: "You clearly had a burnt-out headlight" Me: "That's completely justified, but the only reason you chose to give me the ticket was because you don't feel that you guys got the respect that you think you rightfully deserve?"

At this point, she was getting a bit flustered/agitated...and my mom stepped in to break up the conversation.

What I find hilarious is that the 25 minutes they spent in front of my house, was 25 minutes they could've been catching speeders (the parking lot is right at a hill where people tend to gun it) or some other useful thing.

The main point of the story is that they're essentially giving me a ticket (which they didn't have to) because they think that I gave them attitude. All these people have negative stereotypes of cops, and they're really not doing anything to fix that. It was also pretty stupid of them to tell me that they gave me a ticket because I wasn't the typical citizen who quivers in fear at the sight of police.

My curiosity (both with the parking lot & to see what they'd do) does have a price though. I now have to waste my time and money to go to court on a bogus ticket which won't stick (which both the officers and I know).

What a great system: Inconvenience the guy who doesn't give the people who demand respect, their respect...instead of giving them a reason to be respected. I can't give them all the negative light though, because I will admit that I did sort of provoke it. But would it STILL have happened if I played it any other way? Who knows.

Peace,

- knowledge