I hear people say that "all's fair in love & war", yet denounce the "evil" home-wrecker right after - without realizing that It's a complete contradiction!
Before going any further with this...I'd like to diffrentiate between cheating & home-wrecking. Cheating is adulterous; not having faith to one
spouse/[significant other]. Home-wrecking CAN (and usually does) cause someone to cheat, but it doesn't always lead to that.
Home-wrecking's underrated. Everyone sees it as this evil, immoral thing. I see it as a wake-up call.
There's nothing wrong with home-wrecking (but I personally draw the line if it's to a friend).
Think about it: home-wrecking only provides what another person wasn't able to.
If you want to blame anyone...blame yourself for not being good enough, or blame your significant other for not having the decency to break up with you before hooking up. Or you can blame each other for not doing enough to keep it together - but the third person isn't any more guilty than the first two.
The only reason the link was broken, was 'cause it wasn't strong enough to begin with.
That's like Chevy getting mad that people are buying Hondas, instead of theirs. Imagine the CEO of chevy saying: "oh man, life's so unfair. Honda made a better car than us. It's all THEIR fault that WE aren't selling cars." You gotta be kidding me! Blame yourself for not making a better car, or blame yourself for not releasing a car that people would still want in a couple of years...but don't blame someone else for YOUR mistakes & insufficiencies. Hell, you can even blame yourself for being stupid enough to make a car that no one wants to have...but DON'T blame someone for doing better than you.
I'm absolutely against cheating...but in most cases, if someone's cheating on you...then you've picked the wrong person to be with, or haven't done enough to keep them. If it's the first - cut your losses & move on. If it's the second - cut your losses, make sure not to do it again, & move on.
The next time you try to blame someone for the failure of YOUR relationship, remember that the relationship was yours to begin with.
If "homewrecking's wrong", then let's call it "relationship testing"...It's all the same shit. Just get that weak, "it's-all-person-c's-fault" bullshit out of your heads 'cause you're only lying to yourselves.
Does it change if the person's married? No. They should still have the self-control to resist cheating. If they're not satisfied, and have tried everything that they can...then maybe a divorce is in order. It still doesn't change if we add children into the equation - keep it together for the kids or satiate yourself first...I personally don't give a damn what your priorities are.
...As long as you don't put all the blame on the 3rd person.
Peace,
- knowledge
I completely agree with the fact its not the third persons fault. But I have to disagree with your statement "If you want to blame anyone...blame yourself for not being good enough"
ReplyDelete. How does that person blame themselves if the reason their significant other cheated, was with someone more attractive. So how are they supposed to blame themselves? In my opinion, the fault has to be 100% on the person who cheated. Cause that person has the choice to choose whether or not to sleep with another person.
Also, another scenario is if the significant other finally realizes that he or she is gay
- Adrian
@ Adrian:
ReplyDelete"But I have to disagree with your statement "If you want to blame anyone...blame yourself for not being good enough"
If you're slippin', then it can be argued that you brought it upon yourself or partly made it happen. At the end of the day, the person who cheated can be just as accountable as the one who gives them a reason to cheat. I also think that what you quoted was taken a little out of context. After that, I listed other options of blame.
"How does that person blame themselves if the reason their significant other cheated, was with someone more attractive."
You raise a good point, but looks are only a part of it. Like I said up there: if the person you're with has the audacity to cheat on you...then maybe you should've been a bit more picky. It might never be completely avoidable, but you can only do so much to try. Besides, if a person's willing to cheat on you (when in a relationship)...then maybe the level of attractiveness isn't the only problem.
- knowledge
So, here's the thing. Very very sensitive subject. Important, and tricky. Your analogy about Honda and Chevy is a little ridiculous, I find that relationships aren't as simple as that. Don't take offense to that, I'm merely a little shocked that you used cars to describe relationships between two people.
ReplyDeleteI believe the fault lies on a case to case basis. I mean yes, the person getting cheated on may be at fault but sometimes they are not. I mean if the person cheating is not being honest to his/her partner about their faults then how is (okay we'll name the person getting cheated on person A, and the cheater person b, and the person person b is cheating with as person c) Person A supposed to know that there is a problem. Yes, 'person A' could be doing everything he/she could to make 'person B's happy but person b is not happy with this but he/she just pretends that everything is okay. Well that's a little unfair don't you think? And when all is blown over, and person b is discovered with person c, or person b leaves person a for C, the fact that person b was dishonest is enough to put the blame mostly on him/her. I still believe it's correct that person c may not even be at fault in this matter but person c should've done a little research before entering a relationship with person b. To be honest, I don't find much fault in person a in this case. The only wrong she's done is not being proactive and learning more about the person she trusted to be true to her. He/She is only an idiot that way anything else person b should just be crucified over it. I could be wrong but the dishonesty of person b is to blame, and also his/her lack of self control. Person C, is probably not even at fault here. Person C is probably a victim as well. I guess I'm biased but in the end regardless of the situation or regardless of how bad person a is to person b, there is no need to bring in a third party to make everything messier. There is always the option to break things off if you are unhappy. After all they did say "you can't have your cake and eat it too?" right? no?
@ katralber:
ReplyDelete"Your analogy about Honda and Chevy is a little ridiculous, I find that relationships aren't as simple as that. Don't take offense to that, I'm merely a little shocked that you used cars to describe relationships between two people."
Valid, but I guess anything would be an invalid comparison, if that's the case. Think about it this way: Chevy = person A; Honda = person B; Customer = Person C; The customer is offered a product (relationship)...why would you take the crappier product ESPECIALLY if it's a relationship?
"okay we'll name the person getting cheated on person A, and the cheater person b, and the person person b is cheating with as person c"
Person B should have the decency to leave person A if he/she isn't satisfied. Why should person C have a moral obligation/faithfulness to the person who isn't important (person A). All's fair in love and war, isn't it? If I was person C, my obligation is to the chick who I'm going to be dealing with...not the dude whose heart might get broken. Sure, it sucks...but that's life. Essentailly, person B is the one choosing to be pulled, and person A & C are just two ropes pulling from opposite ends - if person B doesn't want to be pulled by C...she doesn't have to be.
"After all they did say "you can't have your cake and eat it too?""
Exactly.
- knowledge
I wouldn't say that it's the third party's fault, however, I don't think this theory could apply to every relationship. How would you explain this scenario:
ReplyDeletePerson A and person B are perfectly happy together, and one day A meets C, a person who is the complete opposite of B. Now, before meeting C, A was very happy with B, but C was I guess something new that A had never experienced before, and was very attracted to this person.
Look at someone who owns an iphone, or any type of electronic. He/she will be perfectly happy with their model, but as soon as a new model comes out, they begin to notice the flaws in their old iphone and decide to buy the new one.
Back to the relationship scenario... if person A had never met person C, chances are they would stay happy with B and not look for anything new.
This happens often, so I don't necessarily think that homewrecking happens only when someone is unhappy in their relationship. Just because you meet someone new who can offer you things your previous couldn't, doesn't mean you were unhappy.
Deb
^ but if you're seriously gonna jump ship every time a new option comes up, then at least have the decency to sever the already-existing ties. Person C might be better than person B. Person C might not be better than person B. That's for A to decide.
ReplyDelete"Just because you meet someone new who can offer you things your previous couldn't, doesn't mean you were unhappy. "
But if you were less happy with B after meeting C, and more happy with C...then wouldn't you be unhappy if you stuck with B? Either that, or you'd be settling.
IMO, nothing's wrong with settling, if you're perfectly happy doing so.